Talent Ought-ism: The Connect TalentsMar 15, 2023
Keeping Others Real By How You Feel
“I just don’t get how my siblings can’t see the pain our sister is going through,” Melody said. “I know it’s the first Fault Line but it really bothers me they don’t think the same way.”
“Does it bother you that they don’t think the same way or that they don’t feel the same way?”
After a reflective pause Melody said, “When you put it like that it really is about the lack of emotion and empathy. So that is not a Fault Line thinking after all?”
“A little, simply because our thoughts do elicit emotional reactions. You can’t order someone to be sad and expect them to instantly become gloomy. Most people would have to dredge up some depressing memories to focus on and then begin to feel sad. But you are guilty of the emotional version of the first Fault Line – that everyone should feel the way I feel.”
I knew Melody had three connect talents and two of them have a stronger emotional constitution to them. When we come to the Connect quadrant we are dealing with talents that help us interact, commune and sustain relationships. Since people are emotional beings most of the external talents can connect beyond thoughts and behaviors to core feelings of others. Which can lead to the Ought-ism of “everyone should feel the way I feel.”
As someone who does not possess the blue hue of connect talents I have grown to appreciate and rely on those who do. I will often ask my wife, “what do you feel just happened?” And I will almost always gain insight to emotional dynamics I was impervious to.
Another Ought-ism of Connect talents is believing people should relate the way I do, whether it is Responsibility expecting others to treat them with the same standard of reliability they exhibit, or the Includer who can’t understand why everyone shouldn’t have a voice at the table. There is an emotional component to a Connect talent you can expect, and an emotional reaction when a Connect Ought-ism is violated. Violate someone’s Relator Rules or try to mold someone’s Individualization into a one-size-fits-all construct and things can get personal. Which explains why Melody was so upset.
As we discussed, the fact that she knew very little about the relational dynamics between her hurting sister and her other siblings she was able to step back and extend some grace. Knowing the talent dynamics of the rest of her family would also answer her question of “Why” as they may not have the same emotional capacity, or may actually be showing care and compassion, just in a different way.
So for those of you gifted with strong Connect talents who find that Quadrant very dominant in your energy and engagement, be sure to be patient with those of us who are more clueless on the blueness and help us to catch up with you.