I’d made an assumption.
I’d assumed that Darryl - a leader of leaders, a mentor to young entrepreneurs - would have talents in the Mobilize quadrant. But after some small talk while waiting in line to order coffee, I noticed Darryl was communicating much more from the Reflect quadrant, taking long pauses before replying thoughtfully to my questions.
I changed my whole focus from presentation mode to asking questions and understanding some of his intellectual processes and philosophy around his work. At the end of our time, Darryl asked about my work. I gave him a few highlights and asked if he would take the Clifton Strengths assessment so we could get back together and have him experience it for himself. He was both agreeable and intrigued to do so.
When I received Darryl’s assessment results, I found my initial assumption was way off. Darryl had no Mobilizing magenta in his Top 5 but was a Life Line with 3 Reflect talents and Relator as his one Connecting blue talent.
In our database, the Relator talent show up in people’s top five 28% of the time. That is the third highest of the 34 talent themes. Relator is a “harder” blue or Connect talent in that it can be more exclusive in how it relates with others. Relators want quality and depth in relationships and have conscious and subconscious guidelines or rules. If you want to get in with a Relator, it will take time to gain more than initial acceptance and camaraderie. It therefore helps to learn their rules of engagement or interpersonal expectations.
As I learned with Darryl, the Relator’s dominant quadrant may give us clues. As our top 5 talents play and interact with each other over our lives, they shape one another. Thus, a Relator with a lot of green Reflect talents may have rules in relationships shaped around more intellectual priorities and processes. Relators with more Energize talents may hinge some of their rules around the performance or work ethic of those they connect with. Those with additional Connect talents may pick up more on social skills or networks, while a Relator shaped more by Mobilize talents will look at the motivation and influence one exhibits in interpersonal interactions.
The best way to begin to develop your Relator talent to a strength is by identifying some of your subconscious rules. Start by asking yourself these questions: What do I look for in a quality friendship? What are boundaries or guidelines that determine my inner circle? Are their actions or attitudes that consistently get others “kicked off my island”?
Of the rules you identify, how are some of those shaped by your dominant quadrant? Processing these with a spouse or long-time co-worker will also give you additional insights to maximize your Relator to a strength and mitigate the kryptonite.
Tired of feeling tired? Of feeling like you haven't found your groove? Get started today & identify where to spend your time & energy most effectively with our exclusive Gains & Drains worksheet. We'll follow up with steps on how to apply the findings from the exercise.